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Christmas Eve 2006
It’s Xmas eve, it’s raining and I’m stuck at home. Something struck me, and it struck me hard. There’s a lot to think about, a lot on my mind right now. Thankfully, there’ll be time to mull over things, time to think things through. Hopefully I’ll find an answer soon.
Fear, sometimes I wonder if that is the major controlling factor of my life. It may be a pushing factor at times, and at other times, it may be a huge hindrance. I guess the biggest obstacle is getting over the fear, crossing over to the other side, back to what was once who I was. I need help, and at the same time, I don’t seek it nor accept it from others. What is wrong with me? Maybe it’s the weather. Haha, who am I kidding. Someone, tell me how to find courage?
I don’t really know what to do right now. Maybe I’ll never know. But hopefully I’ll figure it out soon enough. I need to sort my thoughts, need to straighten certain things out, need to find a balance between both sides. I need help to weigh the pros and cons. I need to settle this soon. I need to trash things out.
Funny how it’s always easier to just keep things inside, build a dam to prevent it all from ever leaking out? It’s growing to be quite a burden to continuously fix the dam whenever there are leaks every now and than. Would things just be better off tearing down that dam? I wouldn’t know now would I, seeing as how that dam has been there for the longest time? Seriously need to start weighing things out. Well for now, Merry Xmas everybody.
farcical-rants - 5:45 pm - Sunday, December 24, 2006
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